So I ended up on MTV.com earlier today — something that I never do on purpose — after running a search for “Matt White Gauntlet III.”
Yeah, Matt White — the guy who was accosted by Mike Score’s hair stylist.
See, Molly opened for Matt White at The Pour House a few months ago, so when I caught his mug all over MTV in my hotel room last week, I was kind of curious about what crappy pop song “intimate adult alternative pop” he came up with to satisfy those market mavens at MTV central.
That’s how I stumbled across this gem of a description for the “New Artist” page (my emphasis):
With the millions of singer-songwriters, garage bands, rookie rappers, parlor poppers and wannabe stars vying for a spot on your musical radar, how are you supposed to stay in the know? How can you figure out which new artists are actually worth listening to and who’s just aural waste?
Let MTV do it for you! We keep tabs on the best and brightest of all of the new artists, groups and bands out there — from underground rappers and emcees to Brit pop groups, to basement indie rock bands and emerging acts just breaking onto the scene — so you can stay in the know. That means MTV is the place to find out about new artists as they’re emerging from their shells and taking their shot at the big time.
MTV filters out the noise, gives you the good stuff and hooks you up with everything you need to get started on your way to becoming a die-hard fan of the best new artists on the scene. You get videos, song and album previews, video interviews, exclusive live performances, backstage footage, concert info and more. Plus, you get exclusive MTV content like Playlibs, where we sit down with new artists and ask them about their favorite songs, guiltiest pleasures and the music that inspired them, and show you all the videos too. And A.D.D. Bio, an online show where you get the super-speedy story behind brand-new artists.
When the world is just starting to buzz about artists like Amy Winehouse, Mika, Klaxons, Cold War Kids, Madina Lake, MIMS, Mastodon, Gym Class Heroes and Lily Allen, MTV already had the goods on all of ‘em for you, online at MTV.com. So when you’re getting sick of everything on your MP3 player and looking to discover new music, MTV.com gives you all you need to know about the new artists you need to know about.
I don’t know what you heard when you read that verbiage, but I heard MTV telling me that I don’t know shit about music; then explaining basic English to me as if I’m a fucking moron; then reassuring me that if I suck the teet of MTV.com, I’ll know everything I need to know about music.
Cynical?
This is the year 2008. We’re only 11 years away from Replicants servicing off-world colonies, and MTV.com still refuses to get with the times.
Want to see what a new artist page looks like in the world that’s going to murder site/channels like MTV in the very near future?
Amie Street doesn’t perform a bullshit role of “gatekeeper of quality music”; they present new artists from an objective position of “here are the newest artists who have joined our community.”
The only reason to do otherwise is to keep exposure channels walled off in order to drive up the cost of doing promotional business; THAT MEANS MTV is looking backwards, not forwards.
MTV will spin a “new artists” section as if they’re music experts helping you find an artist that speaks to you, but they’re no Rolling Stone circa 1982.
Think I want music recommendations from the people that give me this on-air garbage?
I’m a single, 37 year-old man with a bunch of disposable income who loves music. I’d watch MTV for hours on end if they would give me videos for once underground, forever great music like this:
But serving the desires of a music fan isn’t central to their business model anymore. They should get a fucking moon man award from Madison Avenue.
The days when MTV meant anything to the world of music are long gone.
I wish there were more people around who shared this point of view. All I pick up from MTV is “Watch boring reality TV and listen to music that WE say is cool. Because obviously, if WE don’t endorse it, it’s shit.” My brother (who loves the channel), tried to tivo some reality bullshit show but the tivo told him he would be better off smashing his balls in to nothing with a vice. I get all worked up just thinking about it. But anyways, I love your take on it. Keep on writing more stuff like this.
-Trent Lane
MTV is emulating the tried and true model of the big label A&R people. How could THAT fail?
Don’t you just love the genius one-liner insults that they have the contestants say on the show NEXT whenever they get nexted… fuck MTV
i can’t watch that stupidity for more time than it takes to turn the channel.
but the mtv folks have their demographic down pat. when i was in college, i was a huge fan of “the real world.” yes, it got cornier, more contrived and retarded as the years moved on, but maybe that was simply me moving from post-adolescence to becoming a mature adult and not an indictment of the programming itself.
they’re not in the business of breaking real musicians; they’re in the business of creating content that fits their advertisers demographic.
but on the web… what makes them think that they can fool anyone with such a front?